这份爱，这份深厚的爱，让我伤了又伤。
曾经给我那么多的幸福，我不想失去。
幸福难免带有伤心。。
非常爱你的我，失去了曾经深爱我的你吗？
我不要。。。
我不要失去你。。。
但，留得住人却留不住心，为何呢？
你给我的承诺我一一记得。
和你分享的每一刻我从没忘过。
曾经那么陶醉的我们，如今变了什么样？
将来的我们，能抓得住什么？
我害怕。。。
我害怕遗失所拥有。
学会珍惜，那么简单的字眼，却如此地艰难。
大家说要失去了才会珍惜。真的要失去了才来珍惜吗？
爱，到底是什么？
爱，到底算得了什么？



好累好累，不知该如何往下走。。。



why is it so heart-breaking?
to see the person who once loved you so much stopped trying so



I still remember 2 years ago when i first met you. it was by such coincidence that we met. but really, was it a coincidence?
the day we had our very first form of contact. (but i just, like really just, thought why did i not find it weird or awkward that you said you added me on fb on the first meet? =O)
i remember the times when you waited till 3 or 4am for me to sleep, when you were the kid who sleeps at 10pm.
i remember the things we laughed about, the things we talked about.
i remember the promises made, the promises broken.
i was afraid to love.
you were the one to show me that love is more than what i think it is, that it is so vast it is impossible to comprehend.
i remember the happy times we had, the blissful times we had. and i especially love long and loving good morning/night messages. really makes my day.
i remember the tough times we had. times where we could say nothing, just hugging and crying on each other's shoulders.
i remember the times we sat at my void deck talking about everything.
i remember the times you told me how much you loved me.
i remember more than you think i do. every piece of memory we had, i keep them well. and it's so often that i take them out and look through them, feel them.
there will always be this point of time i look back at the past, and i know in the future, today will be a part of the "past" i always look back to.

recently, and i don't know why, i feel that we have become too used to each other.
there was just this lack of spice in us.
and i find it pretty apparent in your tone, at times, and your actions.
so i've been "hinting" quite apparently about what i feel.
there was this "dense" feeling, i said. i think there was just this part of me that felt empty.
i guess i wanted to experience that kind of "young(?)" (relationship-wise) feeling at the start again.
or rather, i don't want to lose that connection between us.
i said i'm afraid this relationship will get bland..

that day when we watched "Avengers" together, that quarrel, really left a deep scar. every now and then, i can't help but to think of that incident. it was a turn, not a positive one, in our relationship. i guess that added on to the insecurities.
you started to get impatient with me very quickly. you started to use vulgarities ON me. you started to heck care me. you started to get a lot more frustrated and irritated at me.
i know i'm not the best gf around, i know i'm irritating, i know i'm childish.
i know of my imperfection and i just seek acceptance like how we all do.
i've been feeling down but never really told you. i merely "hinted" with the things i told you. i've learnt to keep things in me, which i may not deem as healthy.
and now as i think back, the more i tried to keep it in, the more i couldn't.
(such strong winds now! gonna rain.. and i'm afraid of strong winds and thunder. really random, but i just got reminded of how you used to say there was no need to be afraid and you'd protect me if i sleep by your side ^^)
it just builts up. everything.


and today. today was a special day.


1) we chatted on msn. :) wasn't the chat kind of chat, but it made me reminisce the very first times we chatted and got to know each other better. i even went to read our chat history. and remember the special hearts we drew for each other and made it into an emoticon? :) how i missed those times.

2) you offered to da bao dinner for me when i said i had no dinner. reminds me of the times when you specially come to meet me just because you missed me and just because i was sad, bought me bubbletea just because i was craving for it and came over to eat my lousy maggie mee at the staircase just because you wanted to try my (lousy) cooking. :) i ,too, will never forget that time you made a detour back to school and stayed in the library by yourself just to wait for my korean lesson to end at 8pm. <3 i was so happy when you offered to da bao dinner when it was already so late and you were busy with your report! :)

3) you tweeted "gosh i really like listening to old songs just before i sleep", and i smsed you "how bout listening to my voice". well, actually i was just saying. i didn't expect you to reply "ya sure. give me a call". i literally ran to grab the house phone.<3 so i called. and just when you picked up the phone, i received your "it's been a long time" message. i said "yea, it's been a long time" and i teared :') then you asked "very long meh" -.- dearrrrrrrr~ hahaha. AND i need to spazz about this because you sounded so tired that you sounded so cute and it's been such a long time since i heard such sweet and soft and gentle voice of yours on the phone that i practically just melted and i so wanted to hug you and squish you and cup your face and kiss you all over you cute little poor thang ♥ (these ran through my mind in one second) your report must have really drained you. i was so so happy you agreed to talk even though you were this tired and you didn't chase me to kup the phone. i was feeling like a happy happy kid~ despite how much i hated to end the conversation, i had to. cos poor you sounded so tired i could almost see you dozing off already. whenever i ask you to put down the phone, it means i still want to continue the phonecall but i can't.

4) goodnight call ♥ been a long time since we heard "i love you. goodnight" :) and i was so retarded, i even shouted "WAIIIIIT!" after we said "goodnight" just so i can say " i love you" haha!

i finally found the words. i felt like i was falling in love all over again :)
exactly. that was what i have been looking for. i wanted to feel in love again. not that i am not already in love, but i wanted to feel that vibrance in us. like how we used to.
things change, people change. you said, despite everything, your feelings for me won't change. i say, my feelings for you will change. because i'm gonna love you more and more, till infinity.

"don't stop doing the things that made me fall in love with you", because if that's how love started, that's how it's gonna (never) end.

i remember, you said you would love me forever and always. 
till death do us apart, you said. ♥













today was a fairytale...






despite our differences and misunderstandings, we still stood strong. we have been. we will, too.
it isn't love that kept us strong. it is us that kept love strong.
i'm apologetic for my temper. but, too, still very hurt by your words.
never cried like this in public before.
i was ashamed, but my heart hurt too much to care about how it hurt my ego.
just felt my world tumble when you said what you said.
i don't want you to hate me. you never spoke to me like this before.
was lost. really lost.
silence was so loud, i desperately wanted to break it.
took me a lot to finally say something. to "stop all these".
i wasn't trying to get your sympathy, unlike what you accused. i couldn't say those words cos it's so hard to. the words get stuck in my throat, literally.
it's so hard to say because it's something that will hurt when i do. it sounded pathetic, it made me sound pathetic. and the last thing i wanted at that time was to look pathetic, be pathetic.
sometimes... it's not an apology we're looking for. it's acceptance and forgiveness.

and when i thought my efforts of reconciliation have came to naught, you grabbed my hand as we walked.
i cried.
mixed feelings and everything.
just surged through me.
apologies, security, bliss, love.
and then in your gentle voice, you told me to stop crying.
how could i?
thank you and sorry, my dear. to you, for me.
but i wouldn't want to live a day without you (in my heart, in my mind, in my soul).





i'm sorry for making you worried.. for making you sleep late.
i had to do what i did. i needed some time to think some things through, even though i have no recollection of what i thought.
but i know i can't lose you. i know we both know we don't want to lose each other.
i thought maybe the least i can do is to keep "it" in me, to not worsen the damage we already had for the past week.
maybe i'm too sensitive. but i can't help feeling what i'm feeling. maybe you'll never understand. maybe you will understand.
i never meant to make you worry.
and i'm sorry i did.
and i'm sorry for lying, indirectly, due to my deceptive actions. that i intended to go home right after you.
i love you babe. i will, always.
part of me found relief that you realised. whole of me felt sorry that you had to worry about me.




i miss everything about you


one day i'm going to pull on a wedding dress, be the most beautiful and happiest woman, and you're gonna be my prince











i can write about how upset i am, but no words can describe how much i love you

at the end of the day, it's still you. you whom i love





why do "foolish" people go back to the person who broke their heart and make them hurt like never before? because the one that can hurt you that much unless you love them that much. and when the person you love comes back to you and makes you believe they still love you, you have no choice but to believe because that's how love works. it blurs out all truths, lies and consequences to create the perfect clear image of love. the love you were yearning for. they are not "foolish", they are just blinded because they can't help it. and when they fall, they fall real hard, wounds inflicted on wounds.

这份爱，这份深厚的爱，让我伤了又伤。
曾经给我那么多的幸福，我不想失去。
幸福难免带有伤心。。
非常爱你的我，失去了曾经深爱我的你吗？
我不要。。。
我不要失去你。。。
但，留得住人却留不住心，为何呢？
你给我的承诺我一一记得。
和你分享的每一刻我从没忘过。
曾经那么陶醉的我们，如今变了什么样？
将来的我们，能抓得住什么？
我害怕。。。
我害怕遗失所拥有。
学会珍惜，那么简单的字眼，却如此地艰难。
大家说要失去了才会珍惜。真的要失去了才来珍惜吗？
爱，到底是什么？
爱，到底算得了什么？



好累好累，不知该如何往下走。。。



why is it so heart-breaking?
to see the person who once loved you so much stopped trying so



I still remember 2 years ago when i first met you. it was by such coincidence that we met. but really, was it a coincidence?
the day we had our very first form of contact. (but i just, like really just, thought why did i not find it weird or awkward that you said you added me on fb on the first meet? =O)
i remember the times when you waited till 3 or 4am for me to sleep, when you were the kid who sleeps at 10pm.
i remember the things we laughed about, the things we talked about.
i remember the promises made, the promises broken.
i was afraid to love.
you were the one to show me that love is more than what i think it is, that it is so vast it is impossible to comprehend.
i remember the happy times we had, the blissful times we had. and i especially love long and loving good morning/night messages. really makes my day.
i remember the tough times we had. times where we could say nothing, just hugging and crying on each other's shoulders.
i remember the times we sat at my void deck talking about everything.
i remember the times you told me how much you loved me.
i remember more than you think i do. every piece of memory we had, i keep them well. and it's so often that i take them out and look through them, feel them.
there will always be this point of time i look back at the past, and i know in the future, today will be a part of the "past" i always look back to.

recently, and i don't know why, i feel that we have become too used to each other.
there was just this lack of spice in us.
and i find it pretty apparent in your tone, at times, and your actions.
so i've been "hinting" quite apparently about what i feel.
there was this "dense" feeling, i said. i think there was just this part of me that felt empty.
i guess i wanted to experience that kind of "young(?)" (relationship-wise) feeling at the start again.
or rather, i don't want to lose that connection between us.
i said i'm afraid this relationship will get bland..

that day when we watched "Avengers" together, that quarrel, really left a deep scar. every now and then, i can't help but to think of that incident. it was a turn, not a positive one, in our relationship. i guess that added on to the insecurities.
you started to get impatient with me very quickly. you started to use vulgarities ON me. you started to heck care me. you started to get a lot more frustrated and irritated at me.
i know i'm not the best gf around, i know i'm irritating, i know i'm childish.
i know of my imperfection and i just seek acceptance like how we all do.
i've been feeling down but never really told you. i merely "hinted" with the things i told you. i've learnt to keep things in me, which i may not deem as healthy.
and now as i think back, the more i tried to keep it in, the more i couldn't.
(such strong winds now! gonna rain.. and i'm afraid of strong winds and thunder. really random, but i just got reminded of how you used to say there was no need to be afraid and you'd protect me if i sleep by your side ^^)
it just builts up. everything.


and today. today was a special day.


1) we chatted on msn. :) wasn't the chat kind of chat, but it made me reminisce the very first times we chatted and got to know each other better. i even went to read our chat history. and remember the special hearts we drew for each other and made it into an emoticon? :) how i missed those times.

2) you offered to da bao dinner for me when i said i had no dinner. reminds me of the times when you specially come to meet me just because you missed me and just because i was sad, bought me bubbletea just because i was craving for it and came over to eat my lousy maggie mee at the staircase just because you wanted to try my (lousy) cooking. :) i ,too, will never forget that time you made a detour back to school and stayed in the library by yourself just to wait for my korean lesson to end at 8pm. <3 i was so happy when you offered to da bao dinner when it was already so late and you were busy with your report! :)

3) you tweeted "gosh i really like listening to old songs just before i sleep", and i smsed you "how bout listening to my voice". well, actually i was just saying. i didn't expect you to reply "ya sure. give me a call". i literally ran to grab the house phone.<3 so i called. and just when you picked up the phone, i received your "it's been a long time" message. i said "yea, it's been a long time" and i teared :') then you asked "very long meh" -.- dearrrrrrrr~ hahaha. AND i need to spazz about this because you sounded so tired that you sounded so cute and it's been such a long time since i heard such sweet and soft and gentle voice of yours on the phone that i practically just melted and i so wanted to hug you and squish you and cup your face and kiss you all over you cute little poor thang ♥ (these ran through my mind in one second) your report must have really drained you. i was so so happy you agreed to talk even though you were this tired and you didn't chase me to kup the phone. i was feeling like a happy happy kid~ despite how much i hated to end the conversation, i had to. cos poor you sounded so tired i could almost see you dozing off already. whenever i ask you to put down the phone, it means i still want to continue the phonecall but i can't.

4) goodnight call ♥ been a long time since we heard "i love you. goodnight" :) and i was so retarded, i even shouted "WAIIIIIT!" after we said "goodnight" just so i can say " i love you" haha!

i finally found the words. i felt like i was falling in love all over again :)
exactly. that was what i have been looking for. i wanted to feel in love again. not that i am not already in love, but i wanted to feel that vibrance in us. like how we used to.
things change, people change. you said, despite everything, your feelings for me won't change. i say, my feelings for you will change. because i'm gonna love you more and more, till infinity.

"don't stop doing the things that made me fall in love with you", because if that's how love started, that's how it's gonna (never) end.

i remember, you said you would love me forever and always. 
till death do us apart, you said. ♥













today was a fairytale...






despite our differences and misunderstandings, we still stood strong. we have been. we will, too.
it isn't love that kept us strong. it is us that kept love strong.
i'm apologetic for my temper. but, too, still very hurt by your words.
never cried like this in public before.
i was ashamed, but my heart hurt too much to care about how it hurt my ego.
just felt my world tumble when you said what you said.
i don't want you to hate me. you never spoke to me like this before.
was lost. really lost.
silence was so loud, i desperately wanted to break it.
took me a lot to finally say something. to "stop all these".
i wasn't trying to get your sympathy, unlike what you accused. i couldn't say those words cos it's so hard to. the words get stuck in my throat, literally.
it's so hard to say because it's something that will hurt when i do. it sounded pathetic, it made me sound pathetic. and the last thing i wanted at that time was to look pathetic, be pathetic.
sometimes... it's not an apology we're looking for. it's acceptance and forgiveness.

and when i thought my efforts of reconciliation have came to naught, you grabbed my hand as we walked.
i cried.
mixed feelings and everything.
just surged through me.
apologies, security, bliss, love.
and then in your gentle voice, you told me to stop crying.
how could i?
thank you and sorry, my dear. to you, for me.
but i wouldn't want to live a day without you (in my heart, in my mind, in my soul).





i'm sorry for making you worried.. for making you sleep late.
i had to do what i did. i needed some time to think some things through, even though i have no recollection of what i thought.
but i know i can't lose you. i know we both know we don't want to lose each other.
i thought maybe the least i can do is to keep "it" in me, to not worsen the damage we already had for the past week.
maybe i'm too sensitive. but i can't help feeling what i'm feeling. maybe you'll never understand. maybe you will understand.
i never meant to make you worry.
and i'm sorry i did.
and i'm sorry for lying, indirectly, due to my deceptive actions. that i intended to go home right after you.
i love you babe. i will, always.
part of me found relief that you realised. whole of me felt sorry that you had to worry about me.




i miss everything about you


one day i'm going to pull on a wedding dress, be the most beautiful and happiest woman, and you're gonna be my prince











i can write about how upset i am, but no words can describe how much i love you

at the end of the day, it's still you. you whom i love





why do "foolish" people go back to the person who broke their heart and make them hurt like never before? because the one that can hurt you that much unless you love them that much. and when the person you love comes back to you and makes you believe they still love you, you have no choice but to believe because that's how love works. it blurs out all truths, lies and consequences to create the perfect clear image of love. the love you were yearning for. they are not "foolish", they are just blinded because they can't help it. and when they fall, they fall real hard, wounds inflicted on wounds.

Grace. ♥





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